Dropping the F-Bomb During a PG-13 Movie

Every PG-13 movie is allowed at least one “fuck”, or variation of the word “fuck”. About 30 minutes into The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009) is where I decided the missing ”fuck” should go.

It was Sunday, November 23, 2009, day three of the release of The Twilight Saga: New Moon. The weather was fair for a November afternoon, and I was not looking forward to seeing another Twilight movie. Twilight (2008) was bearable, but reviews, and word of mouth, left much to be desired of the sequel.

Once we arrived for the 1:00 pm showing of New Moon, we purchased our tickets. I then proceeded to explain to the ticket seller that I wanted over two hours of torture, and this is why I was seeing the movie, I also told him that it would be worth the torture, because if the movie sucked I got to write a scathing review. Judging from the look he gave me, I must be the only person in that town to ever mention writing a movie review. Upon entering the theater there were only a handful of people seated, with my notepad and newly acquired illuminating pen in one hand and my trusty iPhone in the other, I posted the following tweet, “Waiting for what may be the worst film of the year to appear on the screen. More anxious to try my lighted pen than to see this film.” Unfortunately, both the pen and the movie were a letdown.

Books on Film, Criticism, Writing, and Web Design

Below is a list of books I have purchased to assist me on my way to becoming a film critic. The books are divided into sections by subject, followed by my thoughts on each book upon completion.

Books on Film and Criticism

Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Plunges into Hollywood by Bathroom Readers’ Hysterical Society: I’ve only cracked (had to go with the pun on this) into this one, but it looks promising. It’s full of what may seem like useless facts on film and Hollywood, but I enjoy such things.

Who the Hell’s in It: Conversations with Hollywood’s Legendary Actors by Peter Bogdanovich: I like Peter Bogdanovich, and I like the actors he’s interviewed in this book. I figure I can’t go wrong with this one. I also have my eye on a used copy of Bogdanovich’s Who the Devil Made It, which is sitting at my favorite local (if you consider an hour drive local) bookstore.

CriticPlanet.org and Other Updates

It’s been a while since I posted here. That is not to say I have been lax in my writing, on the contrary, I have been writing a great deal. I’ve made a lot of progress in my decision to become a film critic. Movies have been seen, reviews have been written, books have been read, and a few great ideas have come along the way.

CriticPlanet.org is the beginning of one such idea. Currently, CriticPlanet.org is a movie review blog. All the reviews formerly found on Slag Zombie Movie Reviews are now posted at CriticPlanet.org. If all goes as planned (which seldom happens), we will have a site of our own, full of content and features and interaction for visitors before the summer of 2010. I don’t want to give away any details at this time, but we look for it to be a great site for fans of film, and criticism.

Familiar Sights, Seen With Fresh Eyes

L to R: Jessica, Crow, Lacy, Dave

What began as a visit from one of my wife’s online friends, ended as a new friendship with two cool people and one cool dog.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

All I knew was my wife’s friend, and ex-co-worker, Jessica, was going to be in Indiana with her traveling companion, Dave, and his dog, Crow. I had no idea I was about to kindle three friendships that day.

It all stared with a call from Jessica. We already had plans to be in Lafayette that day, and we knew Jessica was going to call soon, and at around 2:00 pm, she did. We had just crossed over into West Lafayette when we received the call. They were exiting onto SR 26 from I-65, and could see the Taj Mahal restaurant from their exit, so we asked them to stop there, instead of continuing on to the Tippecanoe Mall, where we had initially planned to meet. As we arrived at the restaurant, Jessica and Dave were sitting on a bench outside. They waved as we entered the parking lot. After Jessica greeted us with hugs and Dave with handshakes, we entered the building.

Clifty Falls, Burger King and Why I Can’t Have It My Way

Barry

On July 7th, 2009, my wife and I, along with five of our friends, made the three hour drive south to Clifty Falls State Park. I had visited Clifty Falls as a child with my parents, but didn’t remember much of the park and was interested to visit it again, especially after viewing images of the parks water falls.

My wife and I were joined in our vehicle by Sonny and Shannon, while Ty, Barry, and Tara followed in Ty’s vehicle. The trip started out on a positive note. But started to go downhill once we stopped for lunch at the Columbus, IN Burger King on SR46, just off of I-65.

Strip Club Adventures

A couple weeks ago, (Tuesday, June 16, 2009), my wife and I visited the Touch of Class Show Club in Crawfordsville, Indiana. Upon our 7:40pm arrival, we were greeted with an empty stage, four dancers sitting around two tables, and Billy tending bar.

After paying our cover and picking up a couple drinks, we  join the dancers at their tables. We chatted with them for over an hour about various things from which films Christina Ricci looked best in, to the curse/blessing that is large breasts.

Michael Jackson and His “Fans”

As we all know, the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, died June 25, 2009. I was shocked, like everyone else,  when my wife woke me with the news. I was both sad and relieved. I was sad that we could never see Michael turn his life around and I was relieved that the drama of his life would be over, well, over soon enough.

I never appreciated Michael’s music until I was in my 20’s. As a child I hated his music, with the exception of Thriller. The song and video for Thriller appealed to me since I was a fan of horror. Thriller may have been my introduction to horror legend Vincent Price, who later became one of my favorite actors.

Remembering Dom DeLuise

Dom DeLuise was as much a part of my childhood as Old Fashion Loaf sandwiches and Little Debbie Zebra Cakes.

I first saw Dom DeLuise in the 1980’s. I cannot remember exactly when I first saw this comedic genius, however, if I took a guess I would say it was his role as Buddy Bizarre, the limp-wrist director, who asks to not be punched in the face, in Mel Brooks’ comedic masterpiece, Blazing Saddles (1974). Around this time I also saw him in The End (1978), a black comedy starring Burt Renoylds and Dom DeLuise. Looking back on it, this may have been my introduction to black comedy, and one of the reasons I still love the genre today.

The Day of Surgery

It started out like any other Thursday. The dogs woke me up before the alarm clock could torture my ears, only to demand I take them out to potty and be feed. But this Thursday was different, because it was the last Thursday I would spend with my gallbladder.

Four years of pain and misery were about to come to an end, or at least be replaced with a few days of pain and misery in recovery as a result of having an organ full of stones pulled through my navel.

Last Days With My Gallbladder

Today is the last day I will spend with my gallbladder. Before we get to today, lets take a look back at yesterday.

Yesterday I took my gallbladder for a horseback ride at Turkey Run State Park, something I had last done as a youngster. It was ok, although my horse, Mary, wanted to stop and eat every so often, plus my testes got a few good smacks against the saddle when the horse trotted. My wife did not fair as well. Not only did her horse, Bandit, take to trotting excessively, he nearly bucked her off at one point. The guide assured us this was unusual behavior for Bandit, as he is often ridden by children. Fortunately, our guide was able to calm Bandit. We had no further trouble the remainder of the trail. Afterward, my legs felt like jelly. I was glad our next destination was the inn.